Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
