You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You ruined the universe
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
