would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
