ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
