Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
