I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
