When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
