Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
