new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
