where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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