I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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