wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
