I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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