I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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