I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
