Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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