I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
