im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
