sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
