Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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