this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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