She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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