dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
