This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
