We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
