Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
