I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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