tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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