I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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