He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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