Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
