I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
