I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
