is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
