It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
