his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
