i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
