Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
