Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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