Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
