Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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