I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
