Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
