he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
