And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
