Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
