Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
