I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
