i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
