I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
