just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
