You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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