do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
