The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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